Have you ever noticed yourself getting stuck on what another person is thinking about you? Often clients who come to therapy share about their experiences with having anxiety or other emotions related to caring about others think about them. Image management is essentially placing too much value on what others think of us and this can lead to real pain and suffering. Today, we are going to be discussing where image management comes from and a few tips and tricks to move towards health.
Where Does Image Management Originate From?
Perhaps you grew up in a family where you were fearful of disappointing your parents or maybe there were high expectations placed on you as far as your grades or your extracurricular involvement.
This can also show up in other areas; perhaps you received this messaging from societal expectations. We all have an innate, human desire to belong and be connected to others, and so these expectations from a tender, young age may have led you to believe that it was your responsibility to control what others think about you in order to belong.
Image management in every stage of life, childhood, adolescence, and adulthood is an effort to attempt and control what other people think about us.
We Are Only Responsible For Us
The problem that ensues from image management is that we cannot actually control what other people think. If you have experienced anxiety or struggle with looping thoughts, then perhaps you have convinced yourself that you can control what others think and believe about you.This experience is incredibly common across the human experience, and I encourage you to remember you have autonomy over yourself, your resources, and how you spend your time.
It can be a harsh reality to sit with the discomfort of acknowledging that we cannot actually control what others think of us. I invite you to use compassion as you are challenging this idea and allow yourself ample patience, as it can take time to look at this idea in a different light.
Cognitive Distortions Affects Our Image Management
Cognitive distortions are thoughts that influence how we see the world, how we act, and what we believe. Many of us have engaged in a cognitive distortion, often referred to as mind-reading. An example of this type of thought may be:,“I know exactly what this person is thinking about me,” after a quick interaction.
We do not actually know what other people think about us as we cannot read minds. In fact, trying to control what other people think leads to pain and suffering. I invite you to explore if you have experienced cognitive distortions, and if you have, know there is no shame. A way to challenge this is to reframe our thoughts. Reframing includes asking ourselves, “what else could be true in this moment?”
Maybe you were fearful of disappointing your parents, maybe you were not allowed to make mistakes growing up, or maybe you have a genetic predisposition towards personality traits like perfectionism or harm avoidance. Perhaps this has led you to place too much value in what others think of you and how you are or are not perceived.
I want to encourage you to take my overthinking masterclass and I talk about tangible ways to reduce this.
Additional Resource:
Overthinking Masterclass: In this free masterclass, I explore the idea of letting go of fear and what others think about you. You will learn how to understand image management so you can release the grip of social anxiety. We will embark on a healing journey to go from living in fear of being perceived to self-acceptance. You can enroll in the masterclass here.
Compassionate Affirmation: “I have the power to accept myself as I am.”
Becoming Anchored in Hope,
Laura
LPC-MHSP, CEDS-C, ACS, NCC
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